Old Jimmy was in a wheelchair
And as he was an inventive man
He had an idea which appealed to him
So he formulated his plan.
He set about in his garage
Converting it into his workshop
In which he created his masterpiece
His creativity did not stop.
Suddenly a van pulled up
Completely out of the blue
Delivering an Oxyacetylene Welding Kit
(And that wasn’t for the Bar-B-Q).
First he fixed the bracket
To support the strengthened base
Then he fitted pipes and tubes
Wherever he could find the space.
Everything was carefully measured
Even the pressure gauge
But nobody knew what Jimmy was building
It was all hush hush at this stage.
All they saw were pipes and tubes
and a cylinder of Co2
Disappearing into his workshop
– That was all they knew.
Jimmy worked away for hours
While his neighbours kept an eye
But they knew that something was up
When a beer lorry stopped by.
For the Draymen unloaded the barrels
And other Brewery parts
Two hours later they staggered out
Completely pissed as farts!!
But old Jimmy was still busy
And he stayed in his workshop all night
No matter how many people were watching
Jimmy remained out of sight.
The following morning word went round
That old Jimmy’s work was done
And people had started gathering
Since the rising of the sun.
Suddenly the workshop door opened
And there was a deafening cheer
As old Jimmy appeared driving his wheelchair
While pouring himself a beer!!
For he had a keg of Bitter
Strapped onto the strengthened base
With a Co2 cylinder and cooling unit
Even the glasses had a place.
He is now doing three miles per gallon
In his specially adapted wheelchair
And he is probably pissed as a fart
And could turn up anywhere.
Nobody knows if it technically legal
And the Authorities may frown
But it’s all cheer and high spirits
On the Wheelchair Rose & Crown.
(I am tempted to try this but the oxyacetylene welding kit may present a few problems, especially from The Health and Safety angle!!)
This poem is featured in my Book of 50 Poems available from me for £7-00 (includes UK POSTAGE in UK)