They called me in for assessment
A medical by Dr. Turk
To see if I was suitable
For any kind of work.

He asked me what kind of work
I thought that I could do,
I said that, “Since I cannot walk
I really don’t have a clue.”

“A wheelchair based pavement tester
Is the job for me
Reporting all those cracks and bumps
That many people do not see.”

But the Atos man just shook his head
And said, “We’ve got plans for you!
You’ll go along to Job Centre Plus
And be at the front of the queue!”

Now I’ve got a job as a taxidermist
I really love that line of work,
For it allows me to do just what I want
And to stuff old Dr. Turk!

They will treat you with contempt
And will show you who is boss
For whether or not you’re fit for work
They couldn’t give Atos !!


Disability Cuts are Crippling Me

Many years ago in a far off land there were rulers who were very rich. They weren’t quite as rich as they had been because the bankers had been careless with all the money which they looked after. Some bankers even took massive gambles which were against the law of that land. As a result of this, the land became very poor and the rulers discovered that they had very little money left. Ordinary people who were beginning to struggle and suffer as a result spent a long time wondering why the bankers who had caused all this, were not punished.
After a long time passed, The Chancellor of the Exchequer, whose job it was to spend the ruler’s money wisely, decided to have a budget. A budget was an opportunity to take money from the rich people and give it to the poor people who really needed it to live. Everybody in the land was happy; people rejoiced at the thought that the poor, sick and disabled people would get more help and the evil bankers who had caused this situation would be punished. They hoped that the rich people, some of whom were very very rich, would have to pay to help the poor, sick and disabled people of that land. . On the day of the budget there was great joy. People in that land expected that the evil bankers to be severely punished. The ruler had said that he wanted to restore fairness to an unfair system. This pleased everybody except the evil bankers. But then the strangest and most unexpected thing happened which astonished all the people of that land. The Chancellor decided that the evil bankers should be allowed to keep more of the money which they were supposed to be looking after. The evil bankers were then allowed to keep a lot of the money they were supposed to be looking after. This extra money was called ‘bonuses’. The evil bankers devised a plan where the more money they lost –the higher their bonuses would be!
The Chancellor thought that the bonus plan was bad and evil, but he didn’t want all the bankers to leave the land and go to other lands (How should I know???!!!) So he rewarded them by allowing them to keep their bonuses. He even decided that rich people should pay less of their money in tax. This caused a big problem in the land. The Bankers and rich people were now getting more money. Where would the rulers get their money from? The Government pondered this problem for a long time. Nobody knew where they could get more money. Somebody suggested ‘Quantitative Easing’ but the rulers decided on another dastardly plan! What could this plan be? Or as the rulers had said, “We don’t have a plan A or a plan B!! Nobody in that land had expected to come up with such an evil plan. At the same time as rewarding the rich, they would take money away from the poor and disabled people in that land. As if that was not evil enough, the rulers decided to fine people for having a spare bedroom. The evil rulers laughed at their cunning plan; they thought it was ingenious!
The ruler thought it was fair to take money from the benefit scroungers and people who didn’t really need the money. He thought it was fair to allow the rich people to keep more of their earnings by paying less tax. He didn’t like the bankers but he didn’t want to stop them from becoming even richer, and that was not fair.
The big mistake he made was thinking that the disabled and the benefit cheats were the same thing. The rich became richer while the disabled began to feel persecuted and resented. Disability hate crime increased and some disabled people committed suicide.
This is not a fairy-tale bed-time story; it’s a real living nightmare!!

Copyright © Ian m Allan 2017

The Way of the System

This was written while I was staying for a week inside a Residential Care Home. It was not a comforting experience !

Put them down
and keep them low
Take away all things
which they know
Tamper with wheelchairs
and make them go slow
For you are now part of the System.

Don’t get them up
leave them in bed
We’ll just ensure
they’re watered and fed
And leave them there
until they are dead
That is the way of the System.

Come in for respite
Enjoy your stay
You’ll be bored
All of the day
You’ll be begging to be taken away
From the Regime of the System.

Why should we care
We don’t give a toss
As long as we make money
And don’t make a loss
When you come here
We’ll show you who’s boss
For this is the way of the System.

Leave them for an hour
Upon the old loo
That’s what we are told
That we should do
If you call us
We won’t answer you
You will have to wait for the System

Old men who were heroes
And women so kind
Trapped in infirmity
Here you will find
All slowly going
Out of their mind
Living under the System.

Staff may come
And staff may go
There are things
Which only they know
Records of such
They never will show
The secrets of the System.

Anything you hear
With your own ears
We don’t care
If it brings on the tears
You’ll be unhappy
For the rest of your years
For you will die in the System.

Copyright © Ian m Allan 2017

The Jobless and Poor

Destitute and homeless bundled in doorways
Beer cans and bottles rattle around
Self esteem and dignity gone forever
Though reasons for this often abound.

Many theories put forward by powers that be
The answer to all squalor is work
But that’s not true for the old and disabled
Only those who endeavour to shirk.

One wonders how the situation got worse
I would like to hazard a guess
It has something to do with a big bald man
With the initials IDS.

Jobs are not easy to come by these days
Life is not easy for sure
It’s hard if you’re working at all
But even worse if you’re jobless and poor.

Stand Up Amid the Chaos

People with no legs having to prove they’re disabled
Others turn a blind eye to what they can see
Those with the power to impose their will
Upon the poor people like you and like me.

It’s cruel by any standards against those so weak
To be ridiculed and shamed; evil and extreme
To prosper again without fear or foreboding
Without persecution is everyone’s dream.

If the disabled were free from contempt and from scorn
And able to sing part of society’s song
We would live all as one in harmony and hope
Far from the ones who do us most wrong.

Those who profit from misery and suffering
Those who are corrupted by money and fame
Will live in the shadows of eternal damnation
While others will hide with guilt and with shame.

We must stand apart from those we distrust
But support the ones who need us the most
Stand up amid the chaos of domination and greed
For only shame will be theirs to boast.

Copyright © Ian m Allan 2016

The One Thing They Haven’t Got

Stores bulging with goods upon the shelves
And displays upon the floor
Packets and boxes of various goods
Who could ask for more !

Everything in every shape
Be it triangular, round or square
But the one thing you want, they haven’t got
You won’t find it anywhere.

The one thing you want is being made
In a factory in Taiwan
Or currently on the M62
In some overloaded van.

They will tell you any story
Any bewildering excuse
But sure as hell whatever you need
Cannot be put to use.

You’ve got all the other bits
From taking things apart
Salvaged from previous projects
And former works of art.

You’ve ripped apart the thing you built
The job which you’ve just done
To find a certain screw, Although you need two
But you only found the one.

But now your work is nearly done
Everything has been sought
But the one thing you need to make it complete
Is the one thing they haven’t got !

Closing Britain Down

They’ve decimated Adult Care
Causing many of us to frown.
The NHS in chaos
And they’re closing Britain Down.

We’ve got no beds for the sick
The homeless are on the street.
But we know that there are Food-banks
So now the poor can eat.

Most of our Industries are Foreign owned
Our car-makers and our steel.
It sounds just like a nightmare
But in fact it’s very real.

The Disabled have to prove their worth
And lose their dignity,
While others perpetrate the lie
That Britain is strong and free.

The Persecution still goes on
In every city and town,
So while we’re trying to survive
They’re closing Britain down.

Copyright © Ian m Allan 2017

The Bow and Arrow

On 14th February

Our hearts would entwine

And Celebrate the Annual Fest

Of St Valentine.


But Sadly Cupid’s good intentions

Did not go to plan

When he left his Bow and Arrow

And the keys inside the van.


Far from everything going well

With Romance, Dinner and Wine

Cupid’s van was now parked

On a Double Yellow Line.


Now Cupid was in a fix

On this very Romantic day

When a tow-truck then pulled up

And towed his van away.


Things then went from bad to worse

It really has to be said

When Cupid got knocked down by the truck

And spent six weeks in bed.


But Cupid’s still firing arrows

Although he’s plastered head to toe.

And he’s still better than the Archers

Upon the radio.


So if a couple see him in his wheelchair

A  warning, I have to tell

He’s also got a dodgy eye

So I would run like Hell !


Copyright © Ian m Allan 2017